but... the children NEED me!

joyce

sibling love

shithead!9:25 AM: haha - you're at work again

wfb 9:25 AM: i hate you

wfb 9:25 AM: its currently 630am in my brain

shithead!9:25 AM: haha

shithead!9:26 AM: sucks to be you

shithead!9:26 AM: alllllllllllllllll the time

wfb 9:26 AM: mom and dad dont love you

wfb 9:26 AM: they told me last night

shithead!9:26 AM: thats cause im so much better than them and they are jealous

wfb 9:26 AM: oh cool!

wfb 9:26 AM: by better do you mean more boring with ugly cats?

shithead!9:27 AM: LUNA IS A BEAUTIFUL FLOWER! SHE IS NOT FAT! SHES JUST SVELTE!

wfb 9:28 AM: do you even know what svelte means?

wfb 9:28 AM: are you crying yet?

shithead!9:28 AM: it's a type of ham

LAX

Dear LAX airport,

Thank you for Rick Rolling us yesterday.  It really made me feel special. 

Keep up the great work!

love,

the notorious wfb.

for those of you unaware with the art of rick rolling:  you have officially been rick rolled.

It's 5 o'clock somewhere

dear everyone who says "it's 5 o'clock somewhere!"

no.  seriously, no.  unless it's 11 o'clock, 2 o'clock or any other o'clock it is NOT 5 o'clock somewhere.  it may be 5:45 or even 5:02.  but STOP SAYING IT'S 5 O'CLOCK SOMEWHERE WHEN IT'S CLEARLY NOT!

GEEEEEEZ!  OK, that's my rant for the day.

Love,

the notorious wfb.

courtesy of joj.

the orbitz challenge

dear diary,

having cake at work creates hyperactive adults which in turn makes for extremely long afternoons. the office becomes a bit like the set of the popular '90s Nickelodeon game show, Double Dare.

dare.  double dare.  CUBICAL CHALLENGE!

today's challenge:  how many pieces of gum can wfb fit in her mouth at once.  at first sight i was quite certain that i could do the whole 35 piece "Big Pak".  I love orbitz peppermint gum so i figured, what the hey.  

note to readers - 35 pieces of gum is A LOT of gum.  i mean, we're not talking about chicklets.  these are real pieces of gum.  and in addition to the size of the gum, this is sugar free gum so the amount of saliva being produced is unreal.  ok, onward.

the whole challenge took approximately 15 minutes.  elwin took the wrappers while the joj took pictoral documentation.  15 pieces in and i knew i was in trouble.  my belly was already full from the delicious blueberry pound cake we had with lunch and the gum juice was not making a positive addition.  my mouth was starting to burn and i wasn't sure where the excess saliva was going to go.  but i wasn't going to quit.  that's not what i do.  unless its a sport that i'm not great at, i'm really good at quitting those.  sorry.  continuing.

piece number 20.  enter: the vet and ashlale.  the viewing public has increased and the resulting amount of noise has gotten a little too loud for the office.  but i continue.  21.  22.  23.  24.  25.  the camera goes back on.  (elwin has determined that since i had already eaten 3 pieces of the gum that i only have to do a total of 30).  26.  27.  28.  29.  30!  success!

enter:  the former SVP of HR.  queue wfb FREAKING out.  spit out gum.  if you ever wanna seriously gross someone out, chew 30 pieces of gum and then attempt to spit it out.  seriously.  it's disgusting.  

bottom line is, i did it.  there's even a video on youtube to prove it.  with a sour belly and a minty fresh mouth i feel like i have accomplished something monumental.  sadly this is the proudest i've felt about anything that i've completed at work in quite some time.  but this does not stop me from basking in the glory of success and luckily my coworkers and friends are equally as impressed (as evidenced below)  

cyn:  that... is impressive.

cyn:  my respect for you actually just went up a bit

cyn:  i didnt think it could go any higher

elwin:  30!!!!! she's my idol

kmo: HOlyfuck

kmo: holyfucktards

unfortunately i still have 2.5 hours left of work and the cubical challenge has put me into a bit of an orbitz coma but it was worth it.  well worth it.

til next time,

the notorious wfb